I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
