Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
