God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
