Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
home. puking in laundry basket.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
