Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
