She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
