his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
