She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
