My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
