I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
