it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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