So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I understand Curling. That high.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
