VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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