Sry I called you an 8
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
