Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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