There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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