the day after is always just damage control
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
