Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Buhtt sex?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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