the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
