I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
