9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
do nipples grow back?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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