I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
