I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
