Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We have started to decorate penises.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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