Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize