You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
