How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
