Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
