If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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