We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
