You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
