I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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