I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
