We need to rekindle our bromance
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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