just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
