Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
