Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
