idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I bet he comes in French.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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