Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
