Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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