Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
