woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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