I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
