Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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