I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
True strength comes from lack of pants
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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