Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
