we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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