allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
