i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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