ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
