i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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