What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
