I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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