Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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