Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
