D3 body, D1 cock
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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