I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
