Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize