They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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