a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
