The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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