Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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