Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
