In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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