I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I supernannyed him into submission
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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