Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
