after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
