so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
