Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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