pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
