I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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