I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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