can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
