he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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