Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
