But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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