What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
