My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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