she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
