I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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