Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
