No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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