I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
