And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
