Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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