U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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