dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
