honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
